This children's holiday week and the calm of All Souls' Day were also needed for the adults, weren't they? I will share how I treated my overwork. You remember, a while ago, I was very pitifully ranting all over Facebook about what a poor workaholic I was, and of course it was my own fault, "I knew it, I knew it", but people were comforting, encouraging and sharing similar stories. And thank goodness, because how do you solve a problem without talking about it?
The problem is pop. Last summer, when we flew to Paris with the kids, the whole airport magazine stand was flickering with identical covers - whether it was a health magazine, a psychology magazine, a philosophy magazine, a magazine about science, a magazine for women, a magazine for men, a magazine about travel, or even a magazine about food - they were all shouting about the epidemic of fatigue in this century, how to regain your strength, the best ideas for relaxation, and the best recipes for energy.
In Lithuania, perhaps the most popular book on the subject is Byung-Chul Han's "The Fatigue Society" (Kitos knygos publishing house). I read it on the same weekend as the book fair, but I took longer to think about the discussion, to lie down. The book is excellent - first of all, it is not a work of popular psychology, not a work of prescriptions, but a work of philosophy, but it is (with effort) readable for a wider audience. Secondly, there is much to agree with and to argue with, much to be surprised about and much to acknowledge that which is obvious but not noticed.
For me, a few thoughts had a kicking effect and put me in my place. And it helped me to remember that my psychologist had already told me the same thing. And even my folks back home had said it. But you have to hear it a few times before you "get it":
That workaholism is an addiction, like alcoholism, because it helps you to run away from life, from personal goals and even from relationships, because "there's no time for that, I'm working". In the end, it becomes a way to sabotage even the desired achievements - I can't because I'm tired, I can't because I don't have the time, because I'm working, well. It is an excuse for everything.
Another even more unpleasant thought is that workaholism has a narcissistic quality to it. This one was ouch. Because really, who are you to think you can do several people's jobs, several lives? Others can't, but you can already do it? Ane? You'll be ahead of everybody and you won't lose anything because of it? Not at all. Behind every achievement (medals, diplomas or simply earning an income) there is a real cost - loss of strength, motivation, health, deteriorating relationships with children and other loved ones. People are reluctant to talk about this and even celebrities are not asked about it in interviews.
The psychologist said the same. She said, if I cover too much somewhere, I lose somewhere else. And that my overworking is affecting my household - when they see my overworked mother, they won't be inspired to get active and they will feel tired all the time, fatigue will be in the air. And so it was.
Apart from a great book that was a tail-wagger, there were other things that helped me to overcome the fatigue (and that is a continuous path). So I can make the recipes of the road already travelled public:
1. Set strict hours of absence. If you don't make it until sometime in the evening, that's it, you didn't make it, and there's no catching up at night.
2. Work from home for at least one working day, ideally even without meetings. Then you can do all your writing at your own pace and maybe even catch up on the sleep that comes with a lot of mental work.
3. Leave time for breakfast. If necessary, get up earlier, if possible - put lectures or activities out of the way early in the morning, so that there is at least half an hour of quiet time with a coffee, a sandwich or a doughnut (figuratively, not nutritionally) - to treat yourself, to take care of yourself. It still doesn't work every day, but with luck the whole day is better.
4. A comprehensive "to do list" with one essential task for the day, two more desirable ones (that's three in total) and that's it. Lectures and meetings and other schedules don't count, I'm talking about the take-it-and-do-it jobs.
5. If you feel tired, it's worth going to the doctor too, because it's not much. It could be vitamin D deficiency (everyone is deficient), iron deficiency, or maybe they can advise you on what supplements you need or don't need. Or at least reassure you that it is nothing serious.
6. Very strict sleep hygiene - for me it's a minimum of 8 hours. When crying - at least seven. Because I know that if I sleep less than that, my strength will go down and I will become a zombie, and I don't want that. There are some celebrities who boast that they get six hours of sleep and that's okay, well, good luck with that, I might be hospitalised for not getting enough sleep, I won't take the risk.
7. No phone at bedtime, but a paper book. I have also set at least one hour in the evening for writing - all kinds of writing, personal, scientific, therapeutic, journalistic (which I regard as a vocation and inspiration, not a job) - it is just my hour, cut off from other activities. I'll see how long it works. Julia Cameron encourages morning writing hours - it only helped me in the summer, but in the evenings during the working season.
8. Remember to drink water, eat at least one full meal (not including breakfast).
9. Don't neglect the house or do too much of it, one corner every day. But what has helped most here is not willpower, not self-will, but simply having a new, nice and spacious home - it turns out that when you like where you live, you don't have to force yourself to tidy up anymore, it just becomes a pleasure. Because when there's a lot of space, nothing gets in the way. And I spent so many years beating myself up for being untidy, when in fact I was just living in an uncomfortable flat.
10. Leisure time is about not doing activities that are too strenuous and require extra rest. Valid for travel too.
11. More time to do nothing without self-harm. There may be time that I set aside for ridiculous reels, and I just allow myself to indulge.
12. Minimalism - less stuff on surfaces, less unnecessary clothes or furniture - I give them away and give them away because I don't have the energy to sell. I believe that generosity does come back. And the accumulated unused stuff is depressing. There was a scientific study on how one of the components of depression among mothers is their messy homes, which they no longer have the energy to clean. And 'don't worry about the clutter' does not help, because it makes the eyes hungry and even more tiresome. So if you want to help someone who is depressed, give them a general clean-up, either by yourself or through a firm, that will be much better than words of comfort.
UPDATE: I have added new points based on suggestions in the FB comments, very good ones:
13. Various treatments in the baths, including aromas and even books (thanks to Maria and Alexandra).
14. The rule to say "no" to new projects as long as you have not deleted anything from existing ones (thanks to Agnes).
15. Physical activity for body and soul (thanks to Rimantas).
And many more ideas - follow the comments, I've even got some ideas.
You will say that this is a lazy man's list and you wouldn't even hire such a little guy. So what if this is the list of a super-achiever, one who is his own worst steward in the "Fatigue Society" and has barely got off the hook, but survived. Perhaps if we add to the cult of achievement a quality rest as a very serious achievement, then perhaps the picture of society would begin to change. Because luxury is not a gold watch, luxury is having that half day to do nothing with dignity, luxury is resting until energy and enthusiasm get you out of bed, not autopilot and necessity.
PS: the photos show the evolution of the home desk through the different stages of my life, some of which have been very difficult, now the brightest.